erraticwisdom

The waiting room was cramped and hot. The cheap lab coat I’d picked up on the way began to itch and I could feel my skin boiling beneath the stiff polyester. Forced by my sister’s strong “recommendation”, I had set up my first – and I hoped, last – shadowing session with a local rheumatologist. The nurse called me inside and I met the doctor, after little more than a handshake, the doctor mumbled something that I guessed to be “follow me” and darted off to an examination room with three long strides. He grabbed the file hanging by the closed door, read a few lines and stepped back. He stood at the counter opposing the examination room for a few seconds, eyes closed, with a look of profound concentration. Then, without warning, he opened his eyes, motioned for me to get closer and opened the door.

Inside, a sickly old woman was huddled on the bed. She looked up at the sound of the door and a large smile bloomed on her face at the sight of the doctor who sprang forward to greet her. The two quickly began discussing important happenings and I was surprised at the doctor’s grasp of the patient’s history and life. After performing various tests, the doctor left the room to grab the patient’s medication. Only seconds after he had stepped out, the patient began talking about the doctor:

“He’s the best doctor in town,” she beamed, “It’s a real treat to come here, he’s always so kind and gentle. He’s the only doctor that’s ever actually helped me”.

She continued listing his admirable attributes until he returned. With a warm smile and a quick goodbye, the doctor passed over a few bags filled with medication samples and moved to the next room.

It wasn’t a glorious life-saving surgery, tragic loss, or cutting-edge procedure; instead, it was the average visit by a normal patient that convinced me. Medicine is a unique field with relationships and interactions that far exceed other careers in impact and intensity. The doubt I experienced that day and continue to experience today to some extent vanishes when I enter a medical setting. Whether it’s the heart-pounding bustle of a hospital surgical wing or the calm, personal treatment of private practice, there is something in the air in these places, a burden, certainly, but also the ironic hint of both selflessness and unimaginable reward. I leave these places with a single resounding vision: I am a doctor.